stories

I have always said that I should write a book, but by no means am I a writer. Just wanted to share some of these true stories that have happened to me and my family.If it serves no other purpose, it may bring a laugh to someone.

Years ago, my sisters, Trish and Kay were visiting me. I was not in good health at the time. I was going to go up in my attic for some reason when Kay told me not to climb the ladder in case I fainted. She so graciously volunteered to go for me. Trish and I heard this horrible crash and went flying in there to see what had happened. To our amazement, all
we could see was Kay's legs sticking through the ceiling of the closet. Kay didn't realize that she should step on the rafters,so ,the sheet rock made its point with her.

I started up the attic stairs,while Trish is pulling me away,saying,"Oh great,you'll go up there and faint and I'll have two of you to get down".Trish is losing it the whole time--concerned about Kay and trying to convince me not to play Rescue .Kay wasn't hurt,but was laughing so hard that we had trouble getting her out of the attic. I had a hard time trying to explain the hole in the ceiling to my husband since I was still laughing so hard.So much for the attic escapade.This man should be given a medal,putting up with the three sisters all these years.

My two sisters and my husband's two brothers lived with us for awhile and there was never a lack for excitement. One morning in the wee hours I was awakened by my two sisters yelling. There was this thumping going on and feeling a little out of sorts about being awakened, I got up to see what the problem was and to my surprise they were standing on the sofa trying to kill a little snake that had gotten in our den. I hate snakes--I mean I really,really hate snakes.Suddenly the thumping wasn't so bad--as long as they killed the snake.See what I mean by excitement?

One night I went over to Trish's house to have a cup of coffee after I got home from work. Her husband, Lonnie collected clocks and watches. Was I ever so surprised when I walked in and Lonnie had had gathered all of the watches and clocks,with one hanging around his neck .Never saying a word and looking very seriously,he asked if I'd like a cup of coffee as if there was nothing strange about a man with a wall clock hanging from around his neck. Lonnie loved to pick at me and that really cracked me up. I will always remember that for as long as I live. He has since passed away, but that memory will never .

Trish and Lonnie gave my son,Skeeter, a great high school graduation party . We had a lot of my husband's family from out of town here. Everyone enjoyed the party and when it was over, his family came home with us to spend the night. As we were coming in the house, Elbert's brother,Delton, screamed that there was a snake on the sidewalk coming into my house.(We definitely do not like snakes in this family,he-he).

Delton started beating it with a stick and throwing rocks at it along with 4 or 5 more of the family.Others were taking bricks that lined the sidewalk to help kill this snake. My husband came in to get the gun so he could kill the snake. Now,I mean this snake is not going to stand a chance.Lo and behold, it was not asnake, but Elbert's tie that he had dropped. We could do nothing the rest of the night but sit and laugh. When I looked at my yard the next morning, it looked like it had been trampled by horses from the beating they did trying to kill the "snake".

We have a home that sits on ten acres in the small town of Kirbyvile in East Texas,my husband's hometown. That's where we have the cows,chickens,pigs and whatever else adopts us.Over the years,we've built on a front porch,(it would be a sin not to have a front porch in this wonderful place). We were there on vacation one yearand we had a catfish pond dug and stocked. We decided that we would build a pier across the pond to fish from.Half-way across I was handing him the material to nail, when lo and behold it all came crashing down with Elbert on it. Now,Elbert,is what you would call the stereotype of a Texan--6 feet 6 inches tall,when he's slouching.He ended up in the water, but did not get hurt---well mebbe his pride a little,tinsy bit.. The big problem was he had his work pouch on with it weighted down with
tools and rubber hip boots on. This made it very hard for him to get out of the water because the boots were full of water and the tools were heavy. Now,we're talkin', the second sinking of the Titanic here. After I helped fish him out,we just sat down and had a big laugh.

A couple years ago Trish went up with us on vacation.It was deerhunting season and while Eb and my son,Skeeter,were hunting,we had plans to putter around at the old homestead. Every time we turned around something was going awry. It got so bad,even my toothbrush broke inside my mouth.I mean--really--I'm just trying to brush my teeth here.

*We came in late one night and Trish decided she would have a piece of blueberry pie. She has this thing about not gaining weight and as I was talking to her ,the chair she is sitting on slowly starts sinking downward until she is on the floor.But she made sure she balanced that plate and made sure she didn't lose her pie.There she sits on the floor,holding her pie,saying "Have I gained that much weight?" We laughed so hard the rest of the night that we were sore the next day.This was typical of our week, but in spite of it we enjoyed our week.

*The next day while Eb and my son were out deerhunting,Trish and I decided to make some candy.While she puttered in the kitchen,I whipped up a batch from a new recipe.We were hoping it wouldn't be failure.That proved to be a useless worry in a few minutes.I had just poured the candy onto the platter to cool and turned on the water to wash the pan.

Suddenly,all I could do was scream.The faucet had completely fallen off into the pan of dishwasher.There is a virtual fountain spraying all over the kitchen.Trish was running and laughing, trying to get the mop,while I kept trying to get the faucet back on.

*On another day of this vacation,the guys came back from a long day of hunting,and Eb really had a big knot on his forehead.They use a four wheeler to access the hunting lease and while Eb was pulling up under a shed to leave it,he miscalculated.The four wheeler kept going and his head stayed on the beam.Ouch!

An elderly woman gave my husband some sweet potato slips and from her description,they were a fine variety.We were anxious to taste them and finally the day arrived.Trish and I are sitting on the front porch when Eb comes in from the garden carrying these white,weird looking things that I sure wouldn't call a sweet potato.My son was there along with us and we decided we'd microwave one just to see what the flavor would be like.

In the meantime,my sister-in-law takes a couple home and was going to do the same thing.

Trish went into the kitchen to get us some coffee,checked the microwave and after seeing there was still time left,she came back outside.Everything was fine.About a minute later,my son goes back into the house to get a cola and suddenly we hear this yelling and thrashing around.We all went running into the kitchen to see nothing but white smoke.

Thinking the house is on fire ,we're all running around like chickens with their heads cut off.It turns out that those "sweet potatoes" had caught fire.I ran to the phone trying to warn my sister-in-law and head her off at the pass.We liked to have never cleared the smell out of the house and I don't think any of us will ever try a white sweet potato again.

Update on the pond:
Several months ago we purchased two piglets,named Mert and Gert.Not wanting them close to the front porch for obvious reasons,Eb decided we should build their pen next to the pond.That's well and good.But,as you might guess by now,there's always a snag in the plan.

Eb steps too close to the embankment when placing one of the timbers and sure 'nuf.Off he goes into the pond.Once again,he is weighted down by big rubber boots that pull him down after they fill with water.After he finally managed to get out of the pond,he sits down and takes off the boots,ready to set the timber one more time.There was a little hitch.He kept his socks on.Now the gumbo in Texas is slick as ice when it's wet.Back into the pond he slid,falling back in everytime he tried to wade out because socks and wet gumbo soil don't mix.To add insult to injury,our Lab puppy thought she had a swimming partner and when she jumped into the pond and started paddling around Eb,words can't describe how I laughed.We finally got him out of there.Mert and Gert must have enjoyed all the fun while their new home was being built.

We had a drought here in Texas last year and the pasture never had time for regrowth this spring.Since we have several cows,Eb made a deal with a neighbor to pasture them on his property until our pasture could be fertilized and grow.We've spoiled these cows shamelessly, and they don't know they're cows.They all have names--Midnight,Big Mama,Lulabelle(she is a real nut),Daisy,etc....Poor old Eb worked all weekend fixing the neighbor's fence to make sure the cows didn't escape.Wrong.Eb loaded them onto the little trailer,a few at a time.Finally all the cows were moved.

Well, while were sitting on the front porch,happy that job was finished,here came the parade of cows .They were coming home---no ifs ,ands or buts. Guess who won this argument?Let's just say the winners "moo".

So much for some of the funny things that have happened to our family over the years. They are too numerous to write all at one time, so maybe I can add some more later.

Hope someone might enjoy these for a good laugh. After all laughter is the best medicine.We ought to be the healthiest people on earth.

It came time for the hogs to go to market, but only one was going this day. The afternoon got late so Eb decided to leave the trailer with the hog already loaded until the next morning. Trish has a soft heart for all creatures, so she started worrying the hog was getting too much sun. Eb assured her the hog was fine and was going to slaughter anyway. Trish sat with her coffee, muttering, " Well, the poor thing isn't there,yet". Knowing that it would be a long evening with Trish if he didn't put a cover over the trailer, he went and got the tarp. As he attempted to cover the trailer, the hog would go from one end to the other. It seems the trailer hadn't been propped up so the poor hog looked like he was on a seesaw for the next few hours, going to one end while the other end would pop up. That tarp flapping, the trailer going up and down was quite a show as we did finally get to finish our coffee. Poor Gert.